It has always been interesting to me how two people or groups of people can experience the same circumstances but react in such different ways. One uses it as motivation, one uses it as an excuse. The truth is all of us are going to be wronged, used, and falsely accused. We are all going to experience the unfairness of life and will watch people receive things they did not deserve, for good or for ill. Many of the circumstances we will face in life are out of our control, but one thing will always be within our control, the way we react. When we face difficult circumstances we have a choice, are we going to be a Victim or a Victor?
Victimsblame their problems on other people. They seem content with remaining in bad situations as long as they have someone to blame it on. They use all of the imagination, ingenuity and effort to formulate excuses. The problem with having a victim mentality is that victims will continue to have a poor quality of life, they will just have a great excuse for why their life is bad. Great excuses will never lead to a fulfilling life. Victim hood is one of the most menacing of mediocrity's traps. We cannot get caught in it and lead a fulfilling life. We can't train our children to be victims. We can do this in subtle ways. When we blame everything that happens to us or our children on someone else we are raising victims. When we act as though it is always the coaches fault, the refs fault, the teachers fault, or "the mans" fault we foster a victim mentality in our children. Much to our dismay, they may grow up to to have substandard lives with great excuses for it.
VictorsVictors on the other hand happen to life, they do not let life happen to them. They use their imagination, ingenuity, and effort to find solutions not excuses. They set goals and work to achieve them in spite of the injustices or set backs of life. They let failure become their fuel. They work so hard and have such a good attitude that their coaches have to notice them and their teachers have to give them a good grade. They are not doormats, they confront and conquer the injustices of life, but they do so in the right way, through edifying conversation and work, not through pouting and whining. We need to train our children to be victors. When we have them talk to a coach or a teacher and make goals we are teaching them to be victors. When they complain about not getting a part, or playing time or a grade and we encourage them to work harder instead of feeding them excuses or entertaining their excuses we are raising victors.
I think we have too many "victims" in our society and not enough "victors". Given the choice between having children who have great lives or children who have great excuses for substandard lives, I will chose the latter. I hope that I can act as a victor and not a victim. I hope that I can raise victors not victims.