Marriage

About 1O years ago I received my masters degree in family and human development. I loved studying that subject. For 10 years now I have been in situations where I have had a front-row seat to watch incredible marriages and to watch people work on their marriages. This has been a major interest of mine particularly because I believe family is central to God’s plan for his children.

If there is ONE LESSON I have learned it is this: 

If one starts keeping score in regard to which spouse does more for the other, that person will always win, and that person will always lose. But what they win will be so hollow, and what they lose will be so costly.

That person will WIN their childish little quiet contest because they will become aware of the thousand little quiet things they do for their spouse, BUT that person will LOSE because they will become miserably oblivious to the thousand little things their spouse quietly does for them.

Once that person starts keeping score their service will increase resentment and frustration rather than love.

When one’s service is motivated by love and concern, their love grows for those they serve. Think of our relationship with little babies, we serve them continuously and they do nothing for us really, they wake us, they poop, they take large portions of our time and money, yet one simple smile melts our heart and makes our day and fills our heart with love and joy. Could it be that we love them so much because we serve them so much? I think so.

Do you remember when you fell in love with your spouse? Do you remember looking for opportunities to serve and surprise and show love for one another? And what happened as you did that? You fell in love with one another to the point that you committed the rest of your existence to each other.

I believe that is the secret. Don’t let that die. Wake up every day and try to make your spouse's life wonderful. My experience has taught me that the happiest people wake up and begin looking for ways to make others happy, they do not wake up and begin looking at what others should be doing to make them happy. That is a great life lesson, especially within a marriage.

So if your dream is to be deeply in love, SERVE WITH LOVE. Nobody will be perfect at this, and there are definitely situations in which spouses are taken advantage of in such an extremely inappropriate way that it is unhealthy to remain in a relationship, but for the vast majority SERVING WITH LOVE will help you fall deeper in love.

One more thing, if you read this thinking the whole time, 

“my spouse needs to read this”

you might want to read it again. 

Those are my thoughts 😀.