Watch with me

Some recent experiences have turned my mind toward wonderful people who are suffering from depression and anxiety. I want to share a brief thought that I had as I read a sacred account in the Bible that might be helpful to someone who is currently going through this very difficult trial.

As the Savior approached the Garden of Gethsemane outside the walls of Jerusalem on the eve of his suffering and crucifixion, He made a statement that has left a significant impression on my mind as of late. He said,

“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death”.

What was He saying?

I am not going to pretend to understand everything that was meant by that simple but heavy statement, but to understand it better I looked at different bible translations of that same phrase in Matthew 26:38. Here is how they read:

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”-New International Version

“My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death”. -
New Living Translation

“My soul is very sorrowful, even to death”.- English Standard Version

“My soul is consumed with sorrow to the point of death”. -Berean Study Bible

"My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death”.-New American Standard Bible

"I am so sad that I feel as if I am dying”.-Contemporary English Version

"The sorrow in my heart is so great that it almost crushes me”.-Good News Translation

As I read these heartbreaking lines and thought of what the Savior was experiencing, I also thought of those I love, and even those I don’t know, who experience deep levels of sorrow and depression. I was impressed and instructed by how the Savior responded to what he was feeling.

He said to His closest friends, “tarry you here, and watch with me”.

Think of that, when Jesus, who is our perfect example in all things, felt overwhelmed, crushed and consumed with sorrow, He told His friends how He felt, and He asked them to watch with Him.

Maybe there are a few lessons in this.

If you are reading this and you feel overwhelmed, crushed, or consumed by sorrow, it does not make you imperfect, or flawed. We know that because our perfect flawless Savior felt those feelings.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, crushed, or consumed by sorrow, tell your family, friends, and others who care. As the Savior did ask those who love you... "Watch with me".

If you are feeling overwhelmed, crushed, or consumed by sorrow pray unto God as Jesus did. As you may know, His suffering was not removed, but God did send an angel to comfort Him, and maybe God will do the same for you.

Please, don’t suffer in silence. Let those who love you know what you are feeling so that they can mourn with you, comfort you and watch with you. There are so many who love you and want to be there for you. Some notice your sorrow but are afraid to talk to you about it because they are afraid of offending you.

If the stigma surrounding mental health challenges could diminish, I believe the overall effect of those challenges would diminish also. So for those who have never experienced these intense feelings of sorrow, please don’t ever criticize those who are experiencing it, or give bumper sticker advice to their very complicated struggle.

Watch with them, be there for them, mourn with them, comfort them. Remember that when we judge harshly or talk ill of those who have these struggles that there is One who once felt as they did, and He is the One who saved you, and He is The Judge who is full of empathy for those who are crushed by sorrow. Just love people, that is our simple job.

Ministering Angels

Why did Joseph Say:

And now, my dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you that these are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannot be lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.

How is it that we cannot be “made perfect” without our dead? I get how we assist our dead by doing their temple work, and I get that we would not be here with a physical body without them, but is there something more? Is there a deeper reason why “we without our dead [cannot] be made perfect? I was inspired by what I found and it has drawn my heart so close to my ancestors.

The Scriptures teach that:

Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ (2 Nephi 32:3), and that ... "[God] imparteth his word by angels unto men, yea, not only men but women also. Now this is not all; little children do have words given unto them many times, which confound the wise and the learned" (Alma 32:27).

Moroni asks these questions:

"...have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? 

Then he gives the following answers.

Behold I say unto you, Nay… For no man can be saved, according to the words of Christ, save they shall have faith in his name; wherefore, if these things have ceased, then has faith ceased also; and awful is the state of man" (Moroni 7:37-38).

Point #1 Angels speak to us or impart the Lord’s word to us by the power of of the Holy Ghost

I also found that there is a linkage between Faith, the Holy Ghost, and Angels Ministering. 

Elder Oaks taught the following:

"What does it mean that the Aaronic Priesthood holds “the key of the ministering of angels” and of the “gospel of repentance and of baptism, and the remission of sins”? The meaning is found in the ordinance of baptism and in the sacrament. Baptism is for the remission of sins, and the sacrament is a renewal of the covenants and blessings of baptism. Both should be preceded by repentance. When we keep the covenants made in these ordinances, we are promised that we will always have His Spirit to be with us. The ministering of angels is one of the manifestations of that Spirit" (The Aaronic Priesthood and the Sacrament, October 1998 General Conference).

Elder Oaks continued:

… When I was young, I thought…personal appearances were the only meaning of the ministering of angels. As a young holder of the Aaronic Priesthood, I did not think I would see an angel, and I wondered what such appearances had to do with the Aaronic Priesthood.

But the ministering of angels can also be unseen. Angelic messages can be delivered by a voice or merely by thoughts or feelings communicated to the mind….

How does the Aaronic Priesthood hold the key to the ministering of angels? The answer is the same as for the Spirit of the Lord.

In general, the blessings of spiritual companionship and communication are only available to those who are clean. As explained earlier, through the Aaronic Priesthood ordinances of baptism and the sacrament, we are cleansed of our sins and promised that if we keep our covenants we will always have His Spirit to be with us. I believe that promise not only refers to the Holy Ghost but also to the ministering of angels, for “angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ” (2 Ne. 32:3). So it is that those who hold the Aaronic Priesthood open the door for all Church members who worthily partake of the sacrament to enjoy the companionship of the Spirit of the Lord and the ministering of angels.

(here is the link to that whole talk https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/the-aaronic-priesthood-and-the-sacrament?lang=eng)

Point #2 Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and our sincere participation in the Aaronic Priesthood ordinances of baptism and the sacrament, we are  cleansed and become worthy of the ministering of angels.

Elder Holland taught the following in regard to angels:

Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you]". https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng

Notice this line in there... "family members on both sides of the veil".

President Joseph F. Smith taught: 

We are told by the Prophet Joseph Smith, that "there are no angels who minister to this earth but those who do belong or have belonged to it." Hence, when messengers are sent to minister to the inhabitants of this earth, they are not strangers, but from the ranks of our kindred, friends, and fellow-beings and fellow-servants. The ancient prophets who died were those who came to visit their fellow creatures upon the earth.... In like manner our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh. (Gospel Doctrine, p.435-36)

The Lord warned in Matthew 18:10 "Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven".

The phrase "their angels" suggests possession. Somehow the angels in heaven have responsibility for those little ones and I think the way that makes the most sense is through family ties.

Point #3 The angels that minister to us are most likely those from our kindred dead who have an interest in our salvation. 

So taken together these quotes seems to suggest that:

1. God ministers to his children through angels by the power of the Holy Ghost.

2. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and our sincere participation in the Aaronic Priesthood ordinances of baptism and the sacrament, we are cleansed and become worthy of the ministering of angels.

3. The angels that minister to us are most likely those from our kindred dead who have an interest in our salvation. 

Maybe that is why Joseph said:

And now, my dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you that these are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannot be lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.

I think that is a beautiful teaching. When I study about my ancestors I wonder how much of a role they have had in giving me promptings and thoughts that have directed my paths. It is a beautiful thing for me to think about and makes me feel very connected to them. I think it would be cool to meet one of my ancestors and find out that they delivered a really important message to me that kept me safe or that guided me in the right way. It also helps me to know that there are more than me who is interested in my children and that they can be ministered to by those who have gone before us. That is a comforting doctrine and it makes me want to seek out the dead and do their work. 

Marriage

About 1O years ago I received my masters degree in family and human development. I loved studying that subject. For 10 years now I have been in situations where I have had a front-row seat to watch incredible marriages and to watch people work on their marriages. This has been a major interest of mine particularly because I believe family is central to God’s plan for his children.

If there is ONE LESSON I have learned it is this: 

If one starts keeping score in regard to which spouse does more for the other, that person will always win, and that person will always lose. But what they win will be so hollow, and what they lose will be so costly.

That person will WIN their childish little quiet contest because they will become aware of the thousand little quiet things they do for their spouse, BUT that person will LOSE because they will become miserably oblivious to the thousand little things their spouse quietly does for them.

Once that person starts keeping score their service will increase resentment and frustration rather than love.

When one’s service is motivated by love and concern, their love grows for those they serve. Think of our relationship with little babies, we serve them continuously and they do nothing for us really, they wake us, they poop, they take large portions of our time and money, yet one simple smile melts our heart and makes our day and fills our heart with love and joy. Could it be that we love them so much because we serve them so much? I think so.

Do you remember when you fell in love with your spouse? Do you remember looking for opportunities to serve and surprise and show love for one another? And what happened as you did that? You fell in love with one another to the point that you committed the rest of your existence to each other.

I believe that is the secret. Don’t let that die. Wake up every day and try to make your spouse's life wonderful. My experience has taught me that the happiest people wake up and begin looking for ways to make others happy, they do not wake up and begin looking at what others should be doing to make them happy. That is a great life lesson, especially within a marriage.

So if your dream is to be deeply in love, SERVE WITH LOVE. Nobody will be perfect at this, and there are definitely situations in which spouses are taken advantage of in such an extremely inappropriate way that it is unhealthy to remain in a relationship, but for the vast majority SERVING WITH LOVE will help you fall deeper in love.

One more thing, if you read this thinking the whole time, 

“my spouse needs to read this”

you might want to read it again. 

Those are my thoughts 😀.

Are you a Victim or a Victor?

It has always been interesting to me how two people or groups of people can experience the same circumstances but react in such different ways. One uses it as motivation, one uses it as an excuse. The truth is all of us are going to be wronged, used, and falsely accused. We are all going to experience the unfairness of life and will watch people receive things they did not deserve, for good or for ill. Many of the circumstances we will face in life are out of our control, but one thing will always be within our control, the way we react. When we face difficult circumstances we have a choice, are we going to be a Victim or a Victor?

Victims

Victims blame their problems on other people. They seem content with remaining in bad situations as long as they have someone to blame it on. They use all of the imagination, ingenuity and effort to formulate excuses. The problem with having a victim mentality is that victims will continue to have a poor quality of life, they will just have a great excuse for why their life is bad. Great excuses will never lead to a fulfilling life. Victim hood is one of the most menacing of mediocrity's traps. We cannot get caught in it and lead a fulfilling life. We can't train our children to be victims. We can do this in subtle ways.  When we blame everything that happens to us or our children on someone else we are raising victims. When we act as though it is always the coaches fault, the refs fault, the teachers fault, or "the mans" fault we foster a victim mentality in our children. Much to our dismay, they may grow up to to have substandard lives with great excuses for it.

Victors

Victors on the other hand happen to life, they do not let life happen to them. They use their imagination, ingenuity, and effort to find solutions not excuses. They set goals and work to achieve them in spite of the injustices or set backs of life. They let failure become their fuel. They work so hard and have such a good attitude that their coaches have to notice them and their teachers have to give them a good grade. They are not doormats, they confront and conquer the injustices of life, but they do so in the right way, through edifying conversation and work, not through pouting and whining.  We need to train our children to be victors. When we have them talk to a coach or a teacher and make goals we are teaching them to be victors. When they complain about not getting a part, or playing time or a grade and we encourage them to work harder instead of feeding them excuses or entertaining their excuses we are raising victors.

I think we have too many "victims" in our society and not enough "victors". Given the choice between having children who have great lives or children who have great excuses for substandard lives, I will chose the latter. I hope that I can act as a victor and not a victim. I hope that I can raise victors not victims. 

The Danger of Power Hungry Politicians

One of the big problems with American politics right now, on both sides of the aisle, is that a good number of politicians are making decisions with one main objective in mind, to retain power. When they become more concerned with retaining power than with doing what is right they become beholden to press, and popularity instead of principle. They become more concerned with who wins than they do about what is right. I think this is paralyzing, polarizing and antagonizing our country right now. 

I was thinking of this while studying Matthew chapter 2 in the Bible this morning. The thought occurred to me that many of the most notorious acts that were ever committed in the Bible were performed by those who were trying to gain or retain power. Just a couple of examples will suffice to make the point though I am sure that there are many more. 

Killing of Innocents by Herod, by Leon Cogniet,

Why did Herod slay all the children that were in Bethlehem from two years old and under? Because his power felt threatened when the wise men came to worship “the king of the Jews”? Maintaining power was so important to him that the tender feelings of mothers and fathers, siblings and others who would have to see their babies slain meant nothing to him. Pathetic

Why did the Sanhedrin want Jesus, who had taught peace, healed the sick, lame, and diseased, and even raised men from the dead to die so badly? Jesus was having a great influence and they were losing theirs. They wanted to hold on to power and popularity so badly that they violated common sense, lied, and were accessories to the death of the Son of God. Pathetic. Even Pilate recognized it was for envy (Mark 15:10).  

And what of Pilate? Why did Pilate deliver Jesus up to be crucified in spite of the fact that he knew Jesus was innocent and in spite of being warned not to do so by his own wife because of a dream that she had had the night before? He wanted to “content the people” (Mark 15:15). He was more worried about being popular with the people and maintaining power than he was about principle. Pathetic.

I think it is time for the even minded, everyday Americans to come together and to solve America’s problems instead of allowing politicians to continually use those problems as political footballs and to use platitudes and hyperbole to stir up fear, anger, mistrust and to make us all suspicious of one another in order to maintain their power and influence. It is time to punt the power hungry polarizing politicians out of their place, and replace them with those who are driven by true principles that we believe in. I believe that in the heart of most Americans are simple principles that if followed would solve many problems in our country. I hope that I am right. I know that when I sit down with some of my Democratic friends and hear their point of view, and share mine, we have a lot in common, they agree with my point of view and I agree with theirs in many many instances. Why is it that our politicians seem to agree on nothing? I think that Republicans fear that if they agree with a Democrat’s idea, even if it is a good one, it may come back to haunt them during reelection time and vice versa.  

We need to wake up, Republicans, Democrats and Others. We need to stop worrying about winning and start worrying about what’s right. We need to elect individuals who are driven by principle, not power. If when those individuals get into office, we the people sense that their sole goal is to stay there and maintain their power and benefit from it  rather than to do what is right for the American people, we need to get them out of there and put someone in their place who is principle driven not power driven. If in the coming days we become a polarized populous, elect a Pilate like President, a Sanhedrin like Senate and Herod like House, we will continue to become more and more divided. As each political party continues to pursue power, the irony is the United States of America will become less and less powerful. We can't let that happen. 

I had a dream last week that changed my paradigm...

A few nights ago I had a dream that was very disturbing and that has been troubling me ever since. My family and I were in a unfamiliar place trying to escape the ravages of violent Islamic Extremists. We were sneaking through the woods trying to quietly escape them. In my dream I knew that if we were discovered, we would be abused or killed. I was terrified. I was trying to help my daughters not be afraid and to not let them sense my fear. We ended up getting into a cold river and swimming for safety. Every second was filled with fear and anxiety. I was trying to help my youngest daughter swim, and was struggling to keep both of our heads above the freezing cold water. At the same time I was trying to keep everyone quiet. Even the sound of their arms slapping the water as they were swimming stressed me to the core. I was especially worried about my two older daughters who we had to let swim on their own. I kept whispering to them, “Are you guys ok?” They were in tears, cold and terrified. I could see the fear in my wife’s eyes as she was helping them along. My eyes were scouring the river banks terrified that we would be discovered at any moment. Every sound I heard shot lightning bolt of fear throughout my entire body.
Suddenly I awoke laying in my safe bed in a cold sweat and the dream was over. I was filled with gratitude to be in my bed. I was so happy to be in a safe place where I didn’t have to worry about such things. I looked at my wife sleeping peacefully next to me, and went and checked on each of my daughters.  As I returned to my bed I laid there pondering the relief and gratitude I felt that it was just a dream. 
It was then that I was struck with an awful reality. There are fathers, and mothers, and children right now in various parts of the world who are dealing with the realities of my horrible fleeting dream.
My heart was filled with sorrow for those people. I know that even as I am writing this there is a Father somewhere in the world that is looking into the terrified eyes of his wife and children, who is dealing with the fear, anxiety and frustration that I was dealing with during my dream.
I hope that all of us who are fortunate enough to not live in such circumstances will lay aside politics and offer whatever help we can to people who are suffering such things. It may feel like there is little we can do to help, but If we can do nothing else we can cry unto our God on their behalf. Isaiah taught the following: “strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be Strong, fear not: behold your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompense; he will come and save you” (Isaiah 35:3-4).
I pray that this will happen sooner than later. That may be all I can do right now so I will do it. I will pray for those whose reality parallels my horrible dream and I will pray that God will deliver them who have honest hearts, who just want peace for themselves and their families. My heart hurts for such people.

Why I don't pay for Dance anymore!

The other night someone asked me "Why do you pay so much money for your girls to dance?" 

Well I have a confession to make, I don't pay for dance. Personally, I couldn't care less about dance. I grew up in a family of 4 boys and no girls. The "Nutcracker" was something you did on a dare off of the high dive at the pool or something you unpleasantly surprised your brother with. Up until the day I met my wife if I were asked to go to Swan Lake I would have asked if we were water skiing or fishing.

So if I am not paying for dance what am I paying for? I pay for those moments when my daughters become so tired they want to quit but don't. I pay for those days when my daughters come home from school and are "too tired" to go dance but go anyway. I pay for my daughters to learn to be graceful. I pay for my daughters to learn to take care of their body. I pay for my daughters to learn to work with others and to be good teammates. I pay for my daughters to learn to deal with disappointment, when they don't get that part they hoped for, but still have to work hard at the part that they received. I pay for my daughters learn to make and accomplish goals. I pay for my daughters to learn that it takes hours and hours and hours and hours of hard work and practice to create something beautiful, and that success does not happen over night. I pay for the opportunity my daughters have and will have to make life long friendships. I pay so that my daughters can be on stage instead of in front of a screen...

 
I could go on but to be short, I don't pay for dance, I pay for the opportunities that dance provides my daughters to develop attributes that will serve them well throughout their lives and give them the opportunity to bless the lives of others. From what I have seen so far I think it is a great investment! 

I am sure that other parents get similar questions. "Why do you pay for competitive baseball?" "Why do you pay for Quarterback training?" "Why do you pay for club soccer?" "Why does your kid swim year round?".... I just think it is important to realize what we are really paying for. 

Shad Martin, Especially for Athletes

Visit http://www.especiallyforathletes.com/ to see the difference that E4A athletes and dancers are making in the world and to have the E4A team come visit your team or company.